So I have been going to 2 meeting a week. I don't know if I've talked about this before, but it's only been going on for a few weeks. My old leader - the one I had when I lost the 100 the first time - came back to my center Thursday nights. And I love her! We actually became friends on my last journey, facebook friends and everything! Which I know leaders aren't supposed to do, but there you go. She is only there for a 6 week stint, and my reg meeting is on Mondays so it's a really nice mid week boost. Her take on the meeting topic is so different than my normal leader, so I really get something out of both meetings. I won't switch though, not because of the only six week thing, but because I feel like since my current leader didn't know me my last go round, she is less judgy about how I look now. Which I know is in my head that my old leader is judgmental about my current weight, but I do have those thoughts.
Anyway, at last nights meeting there was this woman who I guess lost a significant amount of weight (it was never said exactly how much, but from the way she talked, it seemed like a lot) And the leader asked her how she kept the motivation or something along those long lines. And this woman just went on this whole thing about how she would never ever ever, couldn't possibly go back to her old habits and gain in back, because well, she just couldn't go back to being that way and there wasn't a question in her mind blah blah blah. And I hate to be a shit about it, but I was like that too last time - there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I would keep it off. And I heard myself, last time in this woman, that extreme cockiness about the whole thing, and I cringed. Now maybe this lady will stick to her guns and keep it all off and I honestly hope that she does. I wish I had. And because I didn't, I am bitter and negative when people say things like that. For me, the weight came off sooooooo easily the first time, it just melted off, I swear to god. This time it's like I have to rip every ounce off. And it's hard and it sucks and I really really really regret being so cocky, because I think in the back of my head, somewhere, I thought "I could loose it again easily whenever I want!" HAH. I am praying that it being so difficult is going to change my attitude, that I'll be so friggin desperate not to let this happen again, that I really truly am in this for the long haul. But I suppose you never know.
Ok, on a much happier note, but also relating to last nights meeting, something awesome happened to me this morning. Even though I've lost 30+ pounds, I don't feel like I've gone down in size. It's more like I was bulging at the seams of my clothes before (mostly because it was getting harder and harder to find clothes that fit me, especially in my fav place, good will) and now it's more like I actually fit the clothes I was wearing before. So Last nights meeting was about setting a goal before Halloween. I hate setting scale time goals because I almost never reach them in the allotted time and then I just get depressed and pissed off. So someone suggested a clothing goal - fit into a piece of clothes. Now I did give a lot of my fav stuff to my best friend and I grew out of it (and I know she's getting/gotten rid of a lot of that because she is growing out of stuff, which pisses me off, but whatever) but I do have some things in the back of my closet that I refused to get rid of, or bought but they were a little too small, but I loved them enough and it was in the beginning of my current journey so I bought them anyway - I ended up choosing one of those. But I digress. I tried on this one pair of pants I used to love and holy crap, they fit! They are actually a little loose around my waist, but I have such an hourglass figure that it's hard to find stuff that it's big around my waist (and I hate low rides, I always want to pull them up - a sign that I am getting old and unfashionable.
And wow this is a long blog post, but I had a lot to say!
The cockiness you spoke of reminded me of a story we talked about this weekend at my WW meeting. Our leader brought up the story of the tortoise and the hare. We talked about how the hare was super cocky, so cocky that he took a nap and the tortoise ended up beating him. Long story short, we discussed how sometimes we get cocky with our weight loss and lose focus. Basically our leader summed up the discussion with the motto, " Slow and steady wins the race." Easily said than done.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to how you feel about it being so hard to lose the weight the second time around. This is my one billionth time losing the weight, and every day is a struggle. EVERYDAY!
Okay, I discovered Goodwill last year and I love it! I even wrote a post or two about my goodwill shopping.
I would love to offer some encouraging words, but I am struggling myself at the moment. But I will say take it one day at a time. Each day, rather each meal is another chance to get it right!